Muffins speak to me in a spiritual level.
Like, picture me sitting in my desk (likely wearing my pyjamas but let’s pretend I’m being glam for once and I’m wearing Topshop). It’s all calm and quiet. I’m just there, studying for another chemistry exam, trying my best not to fail. Look at me, doing all that’s in my hands to memorize the structure of all these 3,4,4,5-tetramethylcyclohexa-2,5-dienone-why-on-earth-for-the-sake-of-all-that’s-sacred-can’t-you-have-a-normal-name compounds and just about to cry.
See me, all focused on the endless list of chemical reactions I should have memorised by now.
More like, see me all focused on making the 56th mug of tea of the day, still in my pyjamas, thinking of another way I can procrastinate (although no way will ever beat baking a loaf of this peanut butter caramel chocolate cake, let’s be honest here), blasting Dire Straits music because… it helps me think?
Anyway, picture me there. Silence everywhere. Still studying. Eyes on my chemistry book, mind and heart on that GoT I really, really should be watching again.
And then, boom, you hear them muffins speak. Voices velvety and inviting, just like the white chocolate frosting you need to put on top of them.
Muffins: Sup gurl, whatcha doin’
Me: Oh hey are these talking muffins I’m seeing? *closes book* What’s wrong with me. Ah, too much studying I guess. Time for another GoT chapter I’ve already watched seven times.
Voice of reason: Go back to your book, young lady. These complex carbohydrates reactions aren’t going to learn themselves. Plus I’m pretty sure you’ve watched that chapter like twenty times now.
-Me: *mutters* More like twenty-one but okay. Chemistry homework. Let’s do thisssssssssss.
-Muffins: BUT CONSUELO. HEY HEY HEY! LOOK AT US. WE’RE SO FLUFFY!
-Me: Please shut up. I’m trying to study here.
-Muffins: Girl look at how moist we are!!!!!!! Bursting with plump, juicy blueberries. Don’t you like blueberries? We know you love blueberries. It’s not as if we hadn’t seen you go through six boxes this week…
-Me: Ok. I like blueberries, so what. You’d be mad not to! Now, if you please went away I’M TRYING TO BE PRODUCTIVE HERE.
-Muffins: you’ve been trying to be “”””productive”””” for the past three weeks. Last time we checked, lying in bed in your pyjamas while you mourn the death of fictional characters for three days straight wasn’t what we’d call exactly productive… Now, if you please looked at us! WE’RE TASTY, INCREDIBLY DELICIOUS AND THE WHITE CHOCOLATE CREAM WE’RE TOPPED WITH IS SO TO DIE FOR THAT IT MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN MADE BY GEORGE R.R MARTIN!!
-Me: SHUT UP ALREADY! *stands up* *eats a whole tray of muffins so they’re no longer there to tempt her*
Now that I think about it, it’s such a miracle that I still get to pass my chemistry exams.
But what can you do. I’m the kind of person who procrastinates while procrastinating. And what’s a better way to procrastinate than baking a batch of warm blueberry muffins, spending half an hour pretending they’re talking to you AND writing a blog post about it and lastly devouring said batch of muffins?
I mean, you could also pretend you’re a functional human being, skip the talking part (again, what’s wrong with me) and go straight to the muffin-demolishing bussiness. But why skip yet another excuse to procrastinate?
- 310g white flour
- 150g sugar
- 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
- 1/2 tablespoon cinnamon
- 15g baking powder
- 5 tablespoons buttermilk
- 2 large eggs
- 70g light olive oil
- 250g greek yogurt
- 200 grams fresh blueberries
- 200 grams coconut yogurt
- 50 grams dairy free white chocolate
- 1-2 drops hazelnut extract
- Whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder and cinnamon.
- Add in eggs, oil, vanilla extract and greek yogurt and stir to combine.
- Carefully, fold in the blueberries, stirring gently so they don't turn the batter blue.
- Grease 12 muffin tins (metal ones if you want the blueberries to be high) and fill them 3/4 with the batter.
- Bake at 220ºC for the first 5 min and then reduce the temperature to 180ºC and bake for 10-15 minutes more.
- Dairy-free options can be used succesfully.
Hope you enjoy these!